So Jon calls his Stepdad and Mother to do what only absolute desperation would bring him to do and asks for a small loan to help us through this horrible time. What followed was the most sickening display of behavior from any two people that I have ever witnessed. It was beyond painful to have to witness, much less be a part of. And my heart was shattered for Jon.
To start, they made it very clear that they were not only not interested in how we were doing but again, reminded him that...they do not believe us. That while their son is in this much pain, they will not even validate it. So he pushes on through brutal and sickening questions. He asks for help. And explains what we are up against here. Even without the 'make believe' Cancer and termination of a pregnancy that we so desperately love. He tried desperately to explain to his Mom WHY my Cancer has made it so that we must terminate the pregnancy as she makes him out to be some selfish baby-killer yet again. He asks if she would like to ask me some questions so that she can understand the technicalities of the Cancer. (We are basically on a conference call as it is, tho I took the phone to speak directly to her at this point).
While trying to stay calm, and without getting defensive...without saying exactly what I would LOVE to say because I had no desire to make things worse, I explained to them the details of my Cancer. The details of how the pregnancy was effecting my Cancer and my prognosis. I explained it all. And the gross questions kept coming...the doubt...the basic "That's bullshit"...because apparently being a President of a Bank makes you a Cancer and OB specialist...
For the first time in my life, I had to hand the phone back and walk away to breathe. I had held my composure through what felt like a war but I could not hold out for even one more second. So apologizing to Jon, I handed the phone to him and paced the room. Utter disbelief at what I had just experienced. At this point Jon's Stepdad is telling Jon that he wants proof, from our doctors, that I have Cancer and must terminate the pregnancy before he would even consider a loan...but that whether he gets what he wants or not, there is no guarantee that Jon "will see a dime".
So I have calmed at least enough to rejoin Jon in the conversation. But at this point, Jon's Stepdad, who is a police officer, has kicked into high gear...he is not only not a step father...he isn't even a human. He is telling Jon, who at this point is just at a loss...that this is a business deal, and he isn't going to enter into a business deal when he doesn't have the information he wants. But see, for us, this is not about money at all anymore...this is just complete disbelief at the possibility that "parents" could do this to their child. That this woman does not have a maternal bone in her body....and as Jon said, we were dealing with a Cop and a Banker...not parents on any level.
Both Jon and I had spoken up when he let us know this was a business decision. We asked him how, in gods name, he could even say that...this is a child asking for help during one of the biggest crisis that most people could ever face. This is FAMILY. Not a BUSINESS DEAL, my GOD! The moment I spoke up his cop-like-claws came out in full force and he unloaded on me. 'If I want something from him then I am going to give him whatever he asks for, and I better know that whether he gets what he wants or not, he doesn't have to give us a penny. And quite frankly he thinks its a bunch of bullshit...'
They had begun crossing the lines from just mean to inhumane by the end, and it was time to go. After the conversation, when Jon and I hung up, my heart was just broken. I hurt for him so badly that there are no words. When that "man" told Jon that they were "wired differently"...my lord, he could not be more right. And for that "woman" (and know I use both of those terms for gender purposes only because neither of them are a Man or Woman in any sense of the meaning but they sure as hell aren't a father or mother, so it is the only words I can use to point out who I am talking about)...for her to not only stand by and allow her son to be treated that way...but to actually join in on the abuse...I am just at a loss...
So I held Jon for some time, and for him, after this long of such horrible treatment by them, he said he felt closure. He felt that was finally the straw that broke the camels back. And again, this was NOT about money. (Money has never been anything but a necessity to Jon and I...our happiness sure has never been built around it). This was about the cruelty that these people were capable of. So we talked for a while, we got out what we could and we moved on. He apologized to me about not being able to take the loan out, but of course that was the furthest thing on either of our minds during that time. I would rather live in the streets under a tarp and walk to my chemo sessions than EVER have to put him through talking to them again.
Luckily, my family is about as far opposite from them as it gets, so we don't have to fear that. And he is so grateful for the love and compassion my family has given him. They were all very upset when they found out what those people did to him, and that made him feel a little better. One sad thing in all of this is how, if it ever hits them someday what they have done, it will be on the level of...'oh no, what do those people think of us' (meaning my family)...not at all about what they have done to Jon. But we know they won't ever have any revelations. They refuse to do any self reflection. They are only human enough to go on as the robotic banker and cop that they are. And we are done with them. And a million pounds lighter for it.
However, not having your own family, no matter how terrible they are, during a time like this is hard no matter what. While I sit and write emails and get emails and have the chance to just talk about it, he does not have that. We have each other, there is no doubt about that. And we talk constantly, but there is something about being able to repeat your story, or how your day is going, to someone else who cares that is very important. And it crushes me that he doesn't have that from his "family". We can hope that someday they wake up, but this damage is deep, and as I said, it has been going on for a long time. We know we are better off without them but it does not come without pain.
