Well, tomorrow is the day we go in and begin our induction. We had a very rough night last night. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever really sleep again. I kept waking up, and walking around, feeling our little son inside of me. He was still waking me when he would move around, and took me to the bathroom many times each night. Knowing I would not have him as part of me anymore was killing me. But it was a new day and time to get going on our massive list.
Besides getting the house perfect and still picking up the last few things, I needed to contact Aunt Patti, Mom and Kris and let them know what was going on. I hadn't been able to contact anyone the day before. I was able to contact Aunt Patti first thing in the morning. She and I met up and I let her know the plan and all that had been happening in the past day or so (time is a strange thing anymore). She was so supportive and wonderful. She was amazing about allowing us to hang onto the Tahoe to get us through these next few days. It was beyond relief on every level.
I was able to get Kris on the phone next and we had a really good talk. I always appreciate her honesty and she was able to be 100% supportive and understanding while still admitting that she didn't know if she herself could go through with the same decision. I admire her so much for that candid honesty. And I understand why there are alternatives for women. We had a long and very good talk and I felt much better when we hung up.
I got a hold of my Mom and we met down at Hastings. We sat outside and had a cup of coffee while we talked. Obviously she was emotional, as was Aunt Patti (and I am sure Kristin in her own way), but again, was understanding, supportive and proud of our decision. She understood that this was something just Jon and I would be doing but that I would be in touch throughout it. This was not quite the same as a 'normal' birth where you leave the hospital, flowers, balloons and baby in-tow, so to speak. As she is my Mom, I felt every ounce of concern from her. I could feel her fears and pain for us. And, as I said, her pride. I comforted her, as she has me, and made sure she knew we were so very very at peace finally.
Most of the day was spent in prepping for everything. The house was in perfect shape and all ready for us to come home and have nothing to do but collapse, or whatever it is we end up doing. Jon, of course was amazing and worked so hard to make every detail perfect. He didn't want me doing anything and wanted to take every worry away. It looked beautiful in there. We just continue to create a beautiful, warm and cozier environment as time goes on. And our bond, somehow, continues to grow stronger...I don't even know how when it already feels as strong and us as close as we can get.
We decided that we had already had a very big day, especially with what we were facing. It had been extremely busy...almost to busy to think. It was just kind of automatic pilot for much of it. So we were going to head to bed a little earlier than usual, spend time reflecting and talking...and god willing, sleeping. Tomorrow night we were due at Kadlec to deliver our son. This would be our last night with him home with us, living, inside of me. We needed to embrace it. And tomorrow our plan was to try and relax as much as possible, prepare mentally and the only outing besides to the hospital would be to find the perfect items for our son. The day would begin there and would not end until every store had been searched.
One of the many things on the To Do list that we already knew was done, but that needed to be discussed was our son's name. It had been chosen long ago. But I needed to know if Jon still felt the same about the name, knowing the outcome of our pregnancy. And he did feel the same as the day we first picked his name out.
He would be born, and he would pass away as
Aiden Jon Petersen. Jon's namesake and our miracle.
