That afternoon we arrived for my appointment with Dr. Turner. Throughout the appointment I just kept thinking about how horrible I felt that he was having to deal with this. I mean, he is a baby doctor...and has never even had to deal with something like this. Yet he did it so willingly, and with such compassion. I felt so safe knowing I had him in my corner.
In a nutshell, he was not able to give much more information than what we already knew. This is so far out of the scope of what he does. However, he listened while I talked about everything I was thinking and feeling. And we discussed how I felt about saving the baby during this. It boiled down to: If there is ANY possible way, I need to find a way to continue with this pregnancy. If continuing it would make it impossible to save me, then I would be willing to terminate because I already have 3 kids here now that I have to be here for. So he was going to spend the rest of that day making calls and finding an Oncologist for me. Besides the fact that I need one for my Cancer, only an Oncologist would know enough to help guide me through the decision making process regarding the pregnancy.
Although there wasn't any 'new' information that came from the appointment, I left knowing that he was going to take care of me and find someone who would also help care for me. I expected it would be at least a day or two before I would know when I could get an appointment with an Oncologist (and figured that appointment would be at least a couple weeks out). However, within only a short time after leaving his office, he called to tell me that he made me an appointment for the following day with Dr. Rado at the Cancer Center...a doctor that is very well known, considered one of the best, (if not The best in the area) and who is virtually impossible to get into. My gratitude was beyond words...
Once I got home, Jon met me at the door and Gabe came out to the kitchen where I was. They sat across from me in the sitting area while I stood in the kitchen and filled them in. While there was no new info, we could be excited about Dr. Turner getting me in so quickly with such an amazing doctor. We talked about that I would do all I could to save the baby, as Cancer treatments have come a long way. That I would likely have a surgery to remove the mass, which was safe for the baby and then find a chemo that was safe for the baby...even though they would probably have to send me to Seattle or somewhere because the doctors here are just not familiar enough or equipped enough to handle such a complicated case.
My spirits and mood continued to swing through extremes. Ranging from strong to scared, sad to angry. But all in all I just felt that I WILL beat this. I am strong. I can do this. That night when Jon and I laid down, we talked, we cried, we encouraged and we laughed. I can say with 100% confidence that I have never ever been made aware of any couple who have what we have. While I will save the details of our talks and those very special intimate thoughts, I will say that our communication is so open and amazing...and that our love knows no bounds...I couldn't even breathe if I didn't have him.
A Side Note:
Once I found out my diagnosis, I decided to call Denise (the biopsy nurse) and let her know that I did get it and thank her for everything. I left her a message letting her know what I have, thanking her again and told her that she didn't need to return my call, as I know she is busy. Within minutes she called back. She said that she had just received my results moments before I called (she had been "on them" about getting them to her). We talked for a few minutes and again, she was so wonderful. She had found two books that she put up at the front desk for me to pick up. One for me and one for Jon. I mention all of this because it is these outstanding and unnecessary kindnesses that touch people so very much. I will not forget her.
